The Loss in Winning

As a Philadelphian, you occasionally experience the highs of professional or collegiate sport victories. But if you are of a certain age, you mostly come to expect heartbreaking defeat as a part of life. We get close; we get red fever or some momentum from the birds, and then we fall short. However, closer to home, in the beloved American pastime of women’s field hockey, we have had nothing but “W’s.” My eldest daughter’s team won the state championships last year and looks poised for a repeat again this year. My second daughter’s team won a recent tournament. Even second grader, Norah, and her team have been racking up victories in the pee-wee division. On a recent fall weekend, I was ready for the magic to continue, especially as our high school state champions were going to bravely challenge the only other team in the state that was ranked ahead of them.

We got shut out. Bad. The outcome wasn’t necessarily surprising, nor was the grace and integrity with which our girls handled it. What was surprising was my own level of grief. I wasn’t even playing, but the loss stayed with me longer than I care to admit. It was almost a shock. As my own daughter-player counseled me to move on at dinner, I couldn’t help but think what happens when I get used to winning. Whether on the field or at work, in my parish or with finances, how quickly do I get used to being ahead and forget what it’s like to want or to be without? How quickly do I become deluded into self-sufficiency because everything is going my way? For all the desperate pleas I might make to God when I am in desolation, do I even come close to matching my prayers of gratitude during times of consolation?

If I am honest, when I am winning, I believe it’s because I’m the MVP. When I am losing, I want Him to fix it. While I didn’t like watching the loss of the high school game, I realized there were graces that came from feeling it. As we go forward this week, let’s make sure that whether we win or lose, we give it all to the Lord.