Spirit and Life

Several years ago, I attended a leadership seminar where the speaker stated that guiding principles were everything. She went on further to say that building strong relationships was secondary, and not a close second. I had a strong, negative, internal reaction. I was grateful when a fellow audience member piped up with a question that sounded more like a disagreement. “I guarantee you,” the presenter responded without skipping a beat, “no matter how strong the relationship is, once the situation heats up, that relationship melts away unless it’s based on shared principles.” At the time, I fancied myself gifted at building strong relationships. I imagined that, for a lesser leader who wasn’t as naturally empathetic as me, their relationships might break down quickly. But surely not my relationships, right? I was different. I wasn’t just a good leader. I was a good friend. People know I care. They know me.

A few weeks ago, the Sunday Gospel was from John (6:60-69). As I listened to many of Jesus’ disciples returning “to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him” because his teaching was too hard, I couldn’t help but think about that speaker’s words, even all these years later. In the life of Our Lord, despite all the miraculous and generous things He did, it was a shared belief in the truth of who He was that ultimately determined the relationships that endured.

I might be thoughtful sometimes, but I am certainly no miracle-worker. Yet, how often do I expect the good things that I have done for others to be a sufficient foundation for an enduring relationship? When I’m frustrated at how fickle I think others might be with me, can I see my own fickleness in my relationship with the Lord? At work, when tempers fly, it’s usually the organization’s values that keep me tethered to my colleagues. It’s not been my charm that has kept my wife and I together for close to twenty years; it’s been the vows that we made that enabled us to persevere through the inevitable heated moments. And for so many wonderful clergy and religious that I know, it’s not been an eternal honeymoon with their flocks or communities that kept them together; it’s been the promises they made that have pulled them through the disappointments and the difficulties they’ve faced.

As we give thanks for all the relationships we are blessed to share, let’s make sure they share more than nice words or kind deeds. If we want our relationships to last, let’s be sure to ground them in the One who “has the words of eternal life.”